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22 May
In mid 2019, I experienced one of the biggest life changes anyone can go through----I went through a divorce after almost 20 years of marriage. Despite the parting being amicable, I have to admit that the aftermath was tough. I felt lost, scared, and anxious, as I have never been truly alone in my entire adult life. Though I am an introvert by nature, the thought of actual solitude was terrifying and I equated being alone with being lonely, in a way only a recovering codependent will ever truly understand. I would have overwhelming episodes of sadness, feelings of loss, and I would be gripped by incapacitating feelings of anxiety because I felt like I was losing control. Even worse, I could not recognize nor process these feelings. All of these difficult emotions would be masked by a huge smile, denial, and protected by impenetrable walls.
21 Dec
In November 2019, before thoughts of the pandemic were even in our consciousness, my therapist suggested I take a break from dating and having sex. She thought this would help me grow and find out what I truly want as I was vacillating between having casual sex and wanting a relationship at the time (which was just mere months after my divorce, by the way). I was aghast and indignant, feeling betrayed, as if she had no idea who I was after months of seeing each other on a regular basis. 
26 Nov
2020 has been a challenging year for everyone. But despite the chaos, uncertainty, and anxiety brought about by 2020, I see myself looking back at the past year and I realize that I truly have a lot to be grateful for. I AM THANKFUL FOR... MY HEALTH. I am embarrassed to admit it, but I often take it for granted. However, now more than ever, I wake up thankful that my body is healthy and it allows me to do the things I love and be able to expand on them. I have been better at self care and making more effort to nourish both my body and my soul. This year, I fell in love with paddleboarding, climbed Half Dome, ventured out on my bike again after my accident, went snowboarding after more than 10 years, and I jumped off an airplane. I am so excited to see what is next in store for me!
21 Aug
When I was 16 years old, I achieved my dream of becoming a published author when I wrote an Op-Ed for the national paper in the Philippines. At that time, I was reading, "Mga Ibong Mandaragit" (Birds of Prey), the Philippine literary classic about neocolonialism by social activist, Amado V. Hernandez, and had just come back from a trip to the United States. My article was about the destructive effects of colonial mentality that was still so pervasive in Philippine society over a century after Spanish colonial rule officially ended. Growing up with dark brown skin in the Philippines, I never considered myself beautiful or attractive in any way, shape, or form. The ideal beauty at the time was a demure Filipina with pale skin and westernized features. I was even once passed down for a modeling job because I would not capitulate and say that I was not pure Filipino. The casting director wanted me to say that I was part-Filipino and part-something else. I just couldn't do it. It was just something that I accepted as a teen. I thought to myself, "Ok. You have to accept this. You are not physically the ideal concept of beauty here, so you are just going to have to compensate by being intelligent, charismatic, athletic, and fun to be around". So I grew up not putting value on looks and placing my worth on my achievements and accomplishments instead.
31 Jul
I was born and raised in the Philippines, a country of 134 ethnic groups, 120 different languages, and 7,107 islands. Growing up close to the capital, Manila, I was most enamored by the southernmost portion of the country, called Mindanao. Though most of the country is Christian, that part of the country is predominantly Muslim.
There are 18 different ethnic groups that live in Mindanao. One of them are the Badjao/Bajau, also known as Sea Gypsies, as they move with the wind and tide in their small houseboats called Vintas. These seafaring people have the most fascinating rituals that illustrate their concept of life and their relationship to the sea. For example, it is said that immediately after birth, a newly born  infant is thrown into the seas and the rest of the family save the newborn.
23 Jun
For all my life, I have prided myself in being very positive, optimistic, and full of joy. I always have a smile and a hug for everyone and I love to have fun and laugh. I never showed any weakness or asked for help when I needed it because I thought that was what being strong was all about. I also never really learned how to feel and process my emotions or learn to be vulnerable. No matter how I was feeling inside, I kept a bright, smiling facade that I always showed the world. I kept myself so busy, jam-packing my schedule with work, meetings, projects, events, dinners, nights out, parties, and dates. I surrounded myself with people and had no time to really listen to myself and know how I truly feel. During the past year, because of the drastic changes that have occurred in my life, I decided to start seriously working on myself: finding out what I want on my own, what gives me joy, what I want to cut out of my life, what I like, how to be vulnerable, how I want my life to unfold, where I see myself in the future, and the impact that I want to leave on the world. Then COVID hit.
18 May
As most of the world begins to open up from a global quarantine, I look back at what really got me through this uncertain and chaotic time virtually unscathed. Meditation The quarantine afforded me the time to truly go inward. My cats would wake me up at sunrise then I would start meditating before I start work. I probably would have gone crazy had it not for this really great meditation app called Insight Timer. It has really changed my life. Initially, I would wake up grumpy as I am not a morning person. I usually jump off the bed and get my morning started without even making my bed. Now, the early mornings allow more time for gratitude, bed-making, meditation, and even breakfast! I also end my day with an evening meditation. I even created a SoundCloud sleep meditation playlist.
11 May
Hi there, You're gonna notice that I took an uber protracted hiatus from writing. I have to be completely transparent with you, dear reader, but I went through a drastic change in my marital status last year. It was a complete upheaval and I was truly unable to write (nor did I have the motivation to write). Not only did I have to say goodbye to someone I loved, but I had to say goodbye to who I thought I was as a person. Put it this way, when I got married at 21, that marriage was so intrinsically attached to my identity that I really felt quite lost there for quite awhile. I didn't know what I wanted, who I was, or who I wanted to be. About 90% of who I thought I was no longer existed and I had no idea who or how to be.
08 Jun

Last weekend was a big lesson on non-attachment. In the Buddhist and Jainist philosophies, attachment or attraction to worldly possessions and wealth make a person more unhappy because he or she is more likely to commit sin to acquire and hold on to what he/she...

21 Mar

At the start of the year, I vowed to not buy any new clothes, shoes, and accessories. Instead, I resolved to only buy vintage, second-hand, recycled, and upcycled items, as well as shop my friends’ closets, but most especially my own. When I first moved to...