In mid 2019, I experienced one of the biggest life changes anyone can go through----I went through a divorce after almost 20 years of marriage. Despite the parting being amicable, I have to admit that the aftermath was tough. I felt lost, scared, and anxious, as I have never been truly alone in my entire adult life. Though I am an introvert by nature, the thought of actual solitude was terrifying and I equated being alone with being lonely, in a way only a recovering codependent will ever truly understand.
I would have overwhelming episodes of sadness, feelings of loss, and I would be gripped by incapacitating feelings of anxiety because I felt like I was losing control. Even worse, I could not recognize nor process these feelings. All of these difficult emotions would be masked by a huge smile, denial, and protected by impenetrable walls.
2020 has been a challenging year for everyone. But despite the chaos, uncertainty, and anxiety brought about by 2020, I see myself looking back at the past year and I realize that I truly have a lot to be grateful for.
I AM THANKFUL FOR...
MY HEALTH. I am embarrassed to admit it, but I often take it for granted. However, now more than ever, I wake up thankful that my body is healthy and it allows me to do the things I love and be able to expand on them. I have been better at self care and making more effort to nourish both my body and my soul. This year, I fell in love with paddleboarding, climbed Half Dome, ventured out on my bike again after my accident, went snowboarding after more than 10 years, and I jumped off an airplane. I am so excited to see what is next in store for me!
The COVID quarantine was a very challenging time in our lives. I have to admit, I was really anxious about being alone for the first time in almost 20 years. But I came out of it learning so much about myself and also had the time to pursue one of my passion projects...Worthy Goods!
As most of the world begins to open up from a global quarantine, I look back at what really got me through this uncertain and chaotic time virtually unscathed.
The quarantine afforded me the time to truly go inward. My cats would wake me up at sunrise then I would start meditating before I start work. I probably would have gone crazy had it not for this really great meditation app called Insight Timer. It has really changed my life. Initially, I would wake up grumpy as I am not a morning person. I usually jump off the bed and get my morning started without even making my bed. Now, the early mornings allow more time for gratitude, bed-making, meditation, and even breakfast! I also end my day with an evening meditation. I even created a SoundCloud sleep meditation playlist.